five months later

... and I shall revive you, trusty blog. To be honest, I completely forgot about you and for that I am truly and irrevocably sorry. But, in my defense, I have been incredibly busy these past five months. You see, I got a new job on top of the one I already have, and because of this, I have been working between 60 and 75 hours a week! Insane, right? At any rate, let me catch you up on the last five months of my life....

Wait, I just did! That's all I've been doing. Working. (Speaking of work, this keyboard's shift key is rather frustrating and NOT working properly!!!) I do sincerely hope to pay more attention to you in the very near future, dear Blog. Thank you for not abandoning me (because you can't delete yourself, only I can do that.. ha!)

a month can fly by

Can't it? I don't have much to say or blog about. Lately I have been thinking about writing a lot. One of my dreams in life is to have a book published. Not to soar to fame or become rich, but to just be able to see something in print on a backshelf in a bookstore. One of my problems, though, is that I not only can't decide what type of book to write (fiction? prose? Based on a true story? coffee table book?) But I have a serious lack of creative energy.

Well, that isn't completely true. But I use my creativity all day in my own mind, fantasizing about the world around me, embellishing on details I see before my eyes, that when it comes time to think about fantasy, about what is not real, when I need to create something... I cannot find what I need. Its hard to explain. I wish I could do better. But when I think about the brilliance of some of my favorite writers, there is no way I can even begin to think about writing. What could I ever think up that could compare?

I hope that one day ill snap out of it. We shall see. That's all I have to write today, I guess. That and... I miss my Grandma Faye a lot right now. Not sure if its for any reason in particular. Ill think that one out as I fall asleep.

a story of failed flirting

This encounter, over the last two weeks, has been like a little mini flirting roller coaster. Actually, it's been more like a tilt-a-whirl -- looks fun on the outside, nauseating while you're on it, then after you're through you just wish you hadn't wasted your time. So, please allow me to tell you this story of a random man I met at a bar and just exactly how he managed to bore me to death.

I'll begin by prefacing that we all should know how a conversation works. I ask you a question, you respond, ask me a question, I respond, etc. Normally, when two people are suffering from bouts of extreme and desperate boredom, they may engage in an act such as this. But not this guy. The first sense of "what the fuck?" came when, after a few random texts back and forth, I asked him what else he wanted to talk about, since he kept complaining that he was "bored." His response, "Ummmmm," was less than impressive.

The second moment, the "did that really happen?" moment, occurred just a few days ago, when he asked me multiple times in the span of an hour what I was doing, what my plans were for the night. Each time I responded patiently ... hoping maybe that my message, in its journey to his phone through digital communication, had gotten lost, jumbled, or translated into a foreign language. I had just met this guy, so I was willing to overlook the few signs of futility that presented themselves early. When I invited him to join me and some friends at a bar, he arrived, said nothing to me, and then disappeared. I figured that would be the end of our little texting exchanges -- and that was okay, at least I'd be free from feeling obligated to respond.

But oh, no -- common sense was missing yet again, when two days later I received another text. "I'm bored :/" Alright then... why not try this conversation thing one more time. I prompted him with several questions. What are you up to tonight? Do you have work tomorrow? I'm bored too, I've been sick in bed most of the night and I worked all day. Normally, someone might ask you, in return, questions to allow you to elaborate. Maybe an "Oh, you're sick? What's wrong with you?" Or even another question. But no. Nothing. Just simple, tersely worded responses.

I'm left thinking.... is this guy even entertained by this conversation? It certainly doesn't seem that way. I'm a little offended by his awful conversational abilities. I am reluctant to give up, but you know what... it is pointless to put off the inevitable. So, I resign to stop texting. And then, he sends another "Boreedddd :/" Really? Really? Alright, I'll give it one more shot. So I tell him, "Me too! But I've asked you all the questions I can think of. Your turn :)"

I'm sure you can imagine his reply. "Noo waahh dammit." That's the last straw. If he isn't willing to cure is own boredom, I can't even image the other issues this guy might have. So I'm done. I get another text ten minutes later, "I'm hungery." Exactly like that. Interesting. I am not completely innocent in all of this, I suppose -- I have my moments where I'm dumb, I say something stupid and unimportant, I have a less than witty reply. But I think the A+ in failure is not on my report  card this time around. Lucky me.

Here's to better luck next time! The moral of the story: see the signs, read the signs, heed the signs. If he seems like a dud, he just might be!

finding old songs you used to love is like finding a five dollar bill in an old pair of jeans...

it's that "fuck yea!" moment, where you are totally stoked on your recent (re)discovery. this is what i love about music. no matter how much time has passed... if it truly was a good song, if you truly loved it -- you will find it years later and still feel the same way. or it will bring back some feeling you had years ago and you can feel young again. or feel whatever you felt again.

i had something like this happen tonight and i loved it. it just makes me want to listen to all these old songs i used to love but don't listen to anymore. maybe i'll do that tonight.

in other news. i have said this multiple times but i absolutely, positively get an "F" in any kind of relationship/flirting business. its ridiculous how bad i am at it. i am far too conscious of my own thoughts... or just myself in general. i worry too much. i feel stupid. i just need to get over it. REALLY. REALLY.

anyway. off to the depths of my music library to discover old treasures :)

living well but we're dying young, to bankrupt a blue sky

The past week has consisted of a few things: slacking, The Glass Passenger, working, drinking, and enough anxiety to last me a month. I have been so disoriented lately. I am completely incapable of focusing on anything for more than a minute.

At any rate, let's talk about this album I'm in love with. I have loved Andrew McMahon since forever, and I have heard a lot of people try to tell me that The Glass Passenger sucks. But.. I love it. My favorite track has got to be "Spinning," but I also love "Hammers and Strings," and "Caves." This album is so full of life, stories, and emotion that I feel like I go on a little trip every time that I listen to it.

Soooo. Besides my intense love for this album, lately I have just been working. I went out last night for the first time in awhile. Kinda. Haha maybe it had been like a week. But I had a little too much fun last night I think. It was no good this morning waking up after falling asleep around 5am. And... then going to work for seven and a half hours with five girls that hate your guts... even better! Right now all I want to do is pass out. But I haven't eaten at all today and that is no good either. So I suppose I'll solve that problem first. Good night!

"I can't remember when the earth spun slowly..."

find me a man like this

One that will build me a chair.

And let me walk his dog.

Seriously. I am so obsessed with this character and everything he encompasses. Whoever dreamt up Aidan must have taken a page right from my "Who I Want To Marry" diary. It sounds so silly to say that about a fictional character, but it's true! It doesn't help that I am so overly attached to this show.

Those who know me, know that I am not the sappy, head over heels type. I'm the kind of person that tells you she's going to puke because you're being too cute. So don't get the wrong idea, people. But if you find this man anywhere you ought to tell him that I am his soulmate. Seriously.

In other news, the "Next Blog" feature on this thing is pretty amazing. No joke. I just played with it for like an hour last night and ran into some really awesome blogs. Random ones you would never read on a normal day. Try it out for yourself.

"i know my life could be better. .

...i just don't know where i should begin

she said write me a song

one that makes all the girls cry

and the old woman swoon

at the sound of my toon

and the hearts of the lonely could fly"

this song goes out to you. whoever you are.

and i swear i might marry whoever knows this song and loves it as much as me.